I’m finding it very difficult to understand this connection I feel to this man I’ve never met. He causes me to think and feel deeper than I ever thought possible. I am constantly inspired by him to grow. He teaches me more and more about love every time I hear one of his love songs or read something in his own words that I hadn’t read before. Why now, I ask, is he having this affect on me? I’ve been a fan from day one. And again I realize, it’s because all of the times before, I was a little less mature, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t have the ears to hear or the eyes to see.
He compels me to want to know more about love and life, peace and bliss. I’m coming alive in places that I had all but died. It almost hurts to feel this way for a love I may never know. It seems almost cruel, yet loving at the same time, so bittersweet. How can this be Lord? Help me please, to understand what it is that You are trying to reveal to me, through your beloved son Michael, who speaks of You so loudly, and who imitates Your love and Your Son Jesus so clearly to me. This love I feel, I’ve never known before, it’s a spiritual thing, his flesh I’ve never seen except by way of a screen. I wonder why you’ve put him, of all people, on my heart so heavily.
Is this a preview or an example of what’s to come, or do I dare believe that he’s actually the one? There are moments when I’m totally consumed by the thought of it, when I can sense his presence with me to the point that it’s so near to real I feel. When I close my eyes, I can hear his voice as if he were whispering in my ear. I’d love to put my head on his chest to hear his heart beat, to hold his hand, to kiss his cheek or just look into his eyes. This is the way I’ve always wanted to feel for a man and for a man to feel for me. A man so sweet and gentle, yet so strong and wise beyond his years.
How God, am I ever to find another with such rare qualities? Oh yea, he’s supposed to find me. Yesterday I asked You Lord, why you’ve chosen me to give such a gift to, and You told me it’s because You trust me to love him. You trust me. Me. I trust and believe that all things are possible for You Lord, so I wait, sometimes not so patiently, for You to send this Love, or whomever it is that You have for me. In the mean time, or should it never come to be, I’m grateful for the moments of the dream.
Thank You Jesus.